You Want A Man, But Do You Want to Do the Work?


posted by on Challenges

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One of my beautiful single friends took me out for drinks for my birthday; before I even start this story lets explore the phrase “my single friend” it’s actually an oxymoron. None of my true friends are single, not the ones who value an opinion other than theirs. My friends and I are fans of honest and helpful advice, more importantly we are not stubborn.  By default if someone is single and a friend, they aren’t close. It’s a fact and it’s not because I don’t try, but everyone can’t be my best friend and sometimes the choice is not mine.

So this particular girlfriend is single and we have known each other for 11 years, however she wouldn’t be the call I make to borrow money if something happened. While we were out she of course started mentioning that she doesn’t know where to meet guys…every time I’m out with her someone tries to pick her up, but she tells herself that she doesn’t know where to meet guys. I set her up on dates as well, she doesn’t like them or they don’t like her. I mentioned that she just needs to get out more, I can’t recall her response but I’m thinking it was an excuse of busy or something.

Towards the end of our drink I saw a guy I recognized from networking events, a handsome nerdy banker, my fav! You know I love nerds, right? So I beckoned him over, he lights up and invites us to his home for a bbq party Sunday. I thought this would be a great opportunity for my girlfriend to meet other guys who are professional, possibly single and age appropriate. It’s hard to meet new circles of people without introductions. He gave me his card and I gave it to her. I asked her to send him an email. If I were single, I would have wanted to make friends with him, why not?

That was Monday, today is Thursday. She didn’t email him. I will go to his BBQ with my husband or another girlfriend, depending on the location. I say all this to say we make the choices that keep us in the life that we pretend to dislike. I see it all the time. The unfortunate reality is that when we do this, meaning when we don’t actively go after what we want and pretend that we are, something inside is broken. I’m not a fixer, I’m a strategist and when I have people who are broken with issues that are too deep for me to touch, it frustrates me.

You might be in that situation and if you are, you either need to get real help or just do the actions to get you your life in spite of yourself.  Make sure your actions line up with your wants otherwise you are full of shit and no different than that dreamer on the corner saying he wants to be the next Puff Daddy but can’t make it to his McDonald’s shift on time, or the chick complaining about her ass but eats the same size plates as a man.

If you are single, I want you to follow these actions immediately.

1 Relax your standards and just date more men. *Be open with your dates, but picky with your committed relationships.

2 Recognize you aint that much of a prize, if you were you’d be taken, and humble yourself.

3 Go out! If someone invites you to a party, dinner, bbq, picnic, office party, happy hour, networking event, go! Just freaggin go

4 Take care of yourself, and look your best at all times.

5 Get help from others. Tell everyone you know and trust that you are single and want to find a man. They will help you. Again, no pride!

6 Be nice, present and approachable in public. Stay off your cell in public. Talk to your girlfriends in your car or at home, not in public, use that time to meet prospects

7 Create a habit of saying yes and make it happen. So if you commit to a date and realize you are tired, suck it up and go on the date.

I coach women all the time who think there is a short cut and honestly, I haven’t found one. You can pick and choose which actions to take and it will take you more time to find your guy. I suggest you do them all simultaneously.

When I made the choice to find a husband I sat down and made a plan. I was 30 years old and I wanted to be married by 35. I thought that if I gave myself an opportunity to fall in love with 3 guys I should still be in a position to be married assuming 2 didn’t work out, and that was a worst case scenario, considering I didn’t even plan on committing until I thought a person was worth marrying. Those 7 steps are the exact ones I took. I TOOK THEM! I’m considered to be better looking, more educated, and more social than the average person, I’m hot shit and if I can do it; if I can go out with a guy with long hair and a gut and enjoy some laughs over a drink, then you can too! If I can go on a blind date set up by a guy I met with girlfriends at the Four Seasons and actually have an awesome date and date the guy for a month casually right before I met my husband; who I only met because I didn’t say no to a party invite where I couldn’t even bring a “plus one”, which would have been the girl who took me out for my birthday by the way; if I can suck it up and do all this stuff and concentrate on the end goal, then sweetie, you can too.


Push yourself, everyday in everything. Set dating goals for yourself and follow them. Start with 1 date a week and get that date by any means necessary and the interest is not your personal butler bringing men into your living room. It doesn’t work like that, those guys are picky, use the net but also get out.

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1 comment

  1. eric

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