When He Comes On Strong


posted by on Challenges


A side affect of my dating style will be men who come on strong.  I think it has something to do with the confidence that you exude and men wanting to be a part of that. Coming on strong can be interpreted a few different ways for example a guy can tell you that he wants you to be his woman within the first few dates, or he will ask you out for every date night from here to infinity. You will know it when you see it. But what you must remember with men is that they are like little children with candy, if you put the candy in front of them, they will eat it all until their tummy hurts and then they will never want to see candy again.Change your name to Candy and insert yourself into that story.

We have to ration you out. I tell the ladies I coach that if you let the man drive the train he will crash it into a brick wall so you must control the speed of the relationship. How can you control the speed of a relationship while letting him know that you are still interested?

You have to slow the guy down a bit. Sure it’s great that he’s interested in you but so what? Who isn’t? Stand in line, right?

When you slow a guy down, you don’t want to make him feel as if you don’t like him and you also don’t want to tell him what you are doing. There was a Playmate who went out with a guy who had been crushing on her for about a year. He adored the idea of her because he had no idea who she really was. When she finally agreed to go on a date he was so excited he didn’t know what to do with himself.

I cautioned her, “hey make sure to slow him down, don’t let him lead you, go at your own pace. “

“Oh I don’t believe in playing games,” she said and dismissed me.

Two or three months later (I’m being generous), after meeting his parents, hosting a bbq at his home, and all this other crap he broke up with her. I don’t know if my strategy would have kept him with her longer, but it would have prevented her from crying in public and going crazy because he dumped her. The beauty of slowing guys down is that you both have an opportunity to learn each other. The problem with guys who come on too strong is that they are in love with the idea of you; they don’t know you at all. If you are able to give them bits of your personality while staying in control then if things don’t work out, who cares? You are fine.

But the other side of the coin is that if you believe the hype and fall for every line they tell you, then you will go on an emotional roller coaster. It all ends with tears.

Go at your own speed, remember he likes you but you still need to know him to determine if you like him. Don’t let him rush you, keep dating other people and if it comes up simply say I take relationships very serious and I don’t want to commit without making sure it’s a good fit and that takes time. Say it with a smile but he needs to understand that.

The fine line is that you also don’t want to turn him off, so use the same flirt behavior that I have advised for dates. Still take a day for yourself, he will try to spend everyday with you, do not allow it.

Once you have gotten to know him and consider him to be a great catch, catch him. But not a minute before you have done your due diligence.


There is a fine line between a guy who come on strong and the crazies. The reason why you make them slow down is so that you can see which one he is. Follow all the rules of safety, check out the HowAboutWe blog, called How to be a Smart Bunny for safety tips.

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