The Ugly Truth about Being Pretty


posted by on Challenges


The other day I got an tweet from a site called College Candy and it said something like “If You Can’t Get A Date You Are Probably Ugly.” This is in regards to a post I wrote for How About We. Now, I don’t recall using the “u” word in any posts so it was shocking. I started to read the article and I had to stop, it was a little hostile and scared me, to be honest. But I wanted to address it all in this post.

When I was in college I was very careless with my words, I’m much better now. I don’t believe that anyone is “ugly” physically. I think some folks aren’t my cup of tea but that doesn’t make them ugly. I feel as if there are ways we can improve ourselves to look better which usually makes us feel better and boosts our confidence. But ugly is internal, that I am convinced of! I have seen pretty women, supermodels (Playmates are NOT supermodels by the way) and they are so ugly I refuse to be in a room with them. It’s too stifling, it sucks the air out. That trait is not common but it does exist.

Now let me talk about this article, of course I couldn’t read it without jumping down to a photo of the writer. She’s a cute brown girl with great  skin and a sad face that would have been “fixed” with a smile.  If I were giving her a makeover, that would have been the first thing I told her to do. Her eyes looked boring, no spark, or twinkle. She should work on that as well. She doesn’t look confident or happy in her photo, which is unfortunate and if she is sinlge, that “look” will keep her single.

Former Playboy bunny Serria Says is now a dating coach. Unfortunately, she seems to be coaching women to become beauty-obsessed, vain Barbies who should be rating their appearance on a scale of 1 to 10.”

Beauty obsessed? I don’t want anyone to be obsessed with their beauty and I don’t think we all look like barbies. Whatever your shape or style, I feel it’s important to look like you care about yourself, as if  you like being a woman. That is attractive and will attract others to you. I have not created the rules, I’m just trying to make sure women don’t think we are above them.

What we consider to be beautiful in modern society changes from week-to-week so to impose a certain standard on someone is only going to make them neurotic and is doing them a disservice. Not to mention, did she ever think some people want to look the way that they do?! On the count of, you know, us having a choice. Do I love X-Tina and Demi Lovato’s super done, airbrushed makeup? It’s not my thing. But I am 100 percent sure a) They know what they look like. B) They want to look that way. C) There are plenty of people who will find their appearance (and personality) attractive. Stop telling people how they should look! It’s yucky in 2012.

I actually only tell people my opinion when they ask and when it bothers me so much I can’t help it. I do not think we all need to look the same way. We all have different looks but what we need to have in common is good skin, even tone, nice hair, some embellishments on our faces in the form of mascara, lipstick and blush if you are not blessed to be that way naturally. Some people are, most aren’t. I have chicken pox scars, bags under my eyes, and brown lips. I do not wear makeup everyday but if I am going out I always try to look presentable because I care about myself and it makes me feel better to not frighten little children. Besides, from what I have seen, men like the natural minimalist look most but most of us aren’t blessed to have those traits without assistance.

Plus with the number of single women despreately looking for a mate and no one telling the truth,  this writer needs to knock it off. The problem with me is I don’t tell ladies their shit doesn’t stink and I never will. If you need to stay lied to about what keeps you single, stear clear of me cause that is not going to happen.

If you read most magazines dating colums they never address the shallow stuff, most of the time that’s the only problem.  But we pretend that men are women and they see our degree from across  a crowded room and masturbate to our conversations.

This former male model decided that he wanted to cheat on his girlfriend. The reason being not because this guy is a straight up douche bag and shitty boyfriend, but because his girlfriend is just super duper ugly. Only a 6! That’s how ugly she is. Smart is great, unless you’re a fuggo.

I actually think that the girlfriend was arrogent. To me she’s saying I’m going to date a guy that is way hotter than me and look like his limo driver and he will stay around because I’m just so damn smart. By the way, since the article was written they have broken up. I think anytime you rely on one trick to keep a mate you are being arrogent. If a woman thought she was just so hot that she could say whatever she wanted and treat her mate disrespectfully because she’s just so damn hot, he will leave her for a woman less hot and nicer. It happens all the time. Same with sex. You can’t rely on one trick to keep a person interested.

You know what I love? When women help make it hard to be a woman. I got to worry about fashion and beauty advertising and you too? Great.

I am not making it “hard” for other women, I am trying to make it easy. Repeating the sky is blue doesn’t make it less of a fact. Men like visual stimulation. But if you can allow me to take one thing off your plate, I would remove the fashion part. Men don’t care about fashion. They don’t care if your purse is from Target or Prada, they never have. I would also say instead of the beauty and fashion obsession replace it with fitness and another hobby like wine tasting, cooking class, biking, or volunteering at a hospital or charity.

The idea that the modern woman needs to be smart and the standardized version of beauty is just a perpetuation of the oppressive idea that women need to be perfect. Women have to be the mom, trophy wife, and have successful careers these days. God forbid they talk about S-E-X. The idea that anyone needs to be anything is oppressive. I just want to be my goddamned self already.

Be yourself. How is that working out?

The article continues to give beauty advice. She instructs us to wear foundation, lip product, tame our eyebrows, have flawless hair, wear blush and whiten our teeth everyday.

I said brush everyday, not whiten but you can brush with whitening toothpaste. Flawless hair is whatever hairstyle you have, but make it look planned and intentional instead of “I just ran out the house.”

The issue I have is the idea that all women should be doing this. Not every girl wants to. Implying that they ought to be only reinforces beauty standards that are troubling. Some girls just aren’t into this. Or they wear makeup in a totally nonconventional way.

That’s not my intention, I’m only playing with girls who want to play with me. If someone is happy, they will continue to be happy, they don’t need my asssistance. If you like it, I love it. I’m addressing those single women who want help changing and aren’t sure how to do it.

It’s that there is no one way we should appear. Moreover, everyone deserves to be loved regardless of their appearance. The bottom line is, no matter how you look – you’re going to be the total package for somebody else.

That’s bull pooh-pooh! People are dying single and never married everyday. Look at the statistics. No one has to be with you and everyone thinks they deserve better.

Once you start trying to fit into an absurd mold you lose a bit of yourself and you actually make it harder to find someone who is totally compatible to you. After all, whoever you’re meant to be with should actually like the real you.

She is so sweet and so adorable with these views. But if it’s working out for her, great right? I don’t try to make people fit into a mold. I like to look like the hot version of myself. Tweezing your brows doesn’t change who you are or make you any less real. Caring about your looks is just as important as your career, or your relationship with your friends. It’s all equally important, I think it arrogant to think that you are entitled to the same perks as someone equally smart who cares about the way she presents herself.

Every day new women are turning 18 so I guess I will have to keep saying this “Men are visual creatures.” They buy Playboys, Maxim and Sports Illustrated Calendars full of Victoria Secret models. They watch Carl Junior commercials because it’s hot girls stuffing their faces with burgers that they spit out after each shot. I didn’t make the rules, it is the way it is.


Ladies, never let a woman make you feel ashamed of being pretty and caring about yourself. It’s another form of bullying and has been done since the beginning of time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look hot to get a date, or dress sexy for your man. To me, there is something wrong if you don’t.

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