I’m Overweight and Shy, How Do I Feel Confident?
I’ve always been shy & overweight. I took your advice, stuck to a New
Years resolution to lose weight, and I lost 50 pounds! But I need some
serious help, because 1) I don’t feel comfortable in my new body, I’m not
toned & I have a lot more weight to lose 2) I can’t flirt or strike up a
conversation with a man to save my life and 3) I surrounded myself with shy women who were just like me and now that I’m trying to go to mixers & meet people, none of my friends want to go with me, and I feel even more awkward going alone.
Congratulations on the weight lost. I know that is very hard to do so good job. Confidence is something that is lacking for you right now. This is the thing, even if you were a size 4, there would be stuff about your body, or teeth or something that you want to work on. It’s never perfect, so please don’t expect that feeling. It won’t happen. But even still you must feel confident about who you are today! Right now! At this moment!
I don’t know if you have ever read me saying that your confidence can’t come from your looks because it will fade and plus you will never be the hottest in the world and it’s all ok because someone will still think you are. So even though you know you want to do more, do it, but be just as happy now as you will be after it’s done because you are still a great person with friends and family who love you, and much more. Have your confidence come from all your great things combined.
Flirting is simply falling in love with something about someone and expressing it sincerely. The best way to flirt is to start with eye contact and a smile. Being shy is hard and it doesn’t look like your friends will be able to help with this. Seriously consider internet dating, you can sign up for HowAboutWe using my link. Then once you are on a date you just have to worry about being present and making conversation.
Skip the traditional dating scenes for now, it’s too hard for you to do that. Instead I’d like you to become more personable in your everyday life, meaning if you are in the line at Starbucks mention to the person in front of you how happy you are that the pumpkin Lattes are back. Or if you are in line at the grocery store, comment on an interesting buy that the person near you is making. “Oh I didn’t know they had low carb taco shells, are those good?”
You have to do this all the time, because what will happen is from these random conversations you will start to have opportunities to make new friends. That’s what you need more friends!
Also, when you see guys, any guy, smile and say hi when you walk past. Yes, it might feel like you are crazy but still do it. This is usually enough for guys, what we are counting on is that one of these guys will like you and start a conversation.
Can you try all of these and let me know how it goes?
Read the newspaper! I find having a good sense of what’s going on always helps with conversation.
Expand your comfort zone and get comfortable being uncomfortable.