How To Reject Nicely
The beauty of dating with a purpose is being able to turn it on, but now you must master turning it off. My mother taught me to treat everyone with respect and that includes during break ups and rejection.
The con of being approachable and friendly is there will be guys who attempt to win your heart or attention who don’t have a shot in hell of being with you. You must learn how to reject nicely.Practice the “Drive By Rejection.” This is done in such a way that you never slow your pace of walking. So let’s say that you are prancing down the street and a guy starts speaking to you, it will probably be nonsense but if you ignore him, you might piss him off, get yelled out or even worse, hurt his feelings.
My strategy with the Drive By Rejection is to acknowledge the person, I usually look them in the eye (confidence is a great way to stop nonsense), thank them for the compliment, decline their advance and wish them good day all in the span of 10 to 15 seconds. Please smile and still be friendly, there is no need to turn into a bitch to reject anyone, it’s hard enough for people to build up the courage to approach a stranger and you don’t want to discourage that. If they persist, get more firm, and if you have no choice, turn into the crazy you and bite his head off.
Then there is relationship rejection, like when you go on a few dates with a guy and realize he’s not for you, it was casual dating, no sex involved. If there is no sex and the guy was nice, you should call him and tell him that you aren’t interested in continuing to date him but you’d like to wish him well and thank him for being a gentleman. The goal with each rejection is to not make an enemy.
Why reject, why not simply ignore? When you ignore it means too many things that can be interpreted by the individual, for example it could mean you were busy and they should try back in a few months. That’s what usually happens, especially if there was sex involved. The guy will continuously reach out to you periodically and you will have to ignore him each time.
Now, let’s say you date the way I advise and there are a string of guys hanging on and you finally meet “the one.” You will look like a whore because every 5 seconds your phone rings or beeps with text messages from people you care nothing about and guess what? Your dream man will notice, they always notice, the same way you would notice if his phone blows up. You’d think he was a player and he’d think you are a whore.
With being sweet you also must be able to stand up for yourself and be clear, that’s the true sign of being a woman. It is for your safety and best interest. I see horrible things happen to women who aren’t clear, usually aggressive pursing. This type of behavior in men can be stopped with clarity and honestly, isn’t that the way you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed? If a guy didn’t like you, wouldn’t you prefer he tell you? You would right? But how often do you do treat others with the same respect?
Dating Karma is real, trust me.
Be clear with your rejection, just because you don’t like someone doesn’t mean they are bad or wrong, it just means they aren’t for you. If you date properly meaning light and fun you might even be able to pass the guy off to other single friends. Don’t do that if you have screwed the guy…that’s nasty. Don’t Lick The Cake (go back to that blog).
I find it easy to reject men but hard to reject women, and guys really dislike confrontations so they can be really bad at it. Once Neferteri and I were meeting a none Playmate, alternate dancer for the Playmate team and she looked super cute in her photos but in person she was too short, thick and didn’t fit in with the dance team at all. Instead of telling her she didn’t fit in, I told her I would call her and never did. I felt so bad and at that moment I knew what guys had to deal with! I tried to make it up and tell her the truth a few months later but by that time she didn’t return my call, thank God! It’s hard, but you have to put on your big girl panties and do it.
Reject with grace, think of how you would want someone to reject your brother or son and start there. Everyone is worthy of respect; it’s something that seems to be at a low these days.
Avoid rejecting someone via text or email. Try verbally by phone or face-to-face, the reason is because you want to minimize hostility and I find that people are more likely to be hostile when there isn’t another person on the receiving end.