He Came On Strong And Left, WTH?!?!
I saw this post today and it really reminded me of my situation. I was in a “When it Rains, It Pours” but met a wonderful guy. I kept going out with other men or just did my own thing, letting him seek me out and went about my daily business. I was probably my most laid back self I have ever been, while still letting him feel like I was interested.I made sure to say I was looking for a relationship, but other than that we were just having fun to set the parameters that he would have to do some work. He would come on pretty strong from time to time and I would slow him down and remind him to just enjoy getting to know one another and relax. Parts of me would cave and I would reciprocate his feelings or comments after awhile because I was feeling the same way. What I found ironic was
that although I thought all my signs were pointing to the “Let’s just learn about each-other” path, he was picking up on my little words and phrases that described to him I was looking at “commitment” and it sent him packing and left me wondering “What the heck just happened?”
Seems like the lesson learned after reading this blog: Even when you feel like you know where the ship of love is taking you, remember it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Turn the sails every now and then instead of letting them think you know the course.
You avoided heartache! Good job! All I want to do here is minimize your damages and position you for success. If you read between the lines, he was trying to sleep with you without being your man or in any sort of relationship. He never even mentioned a relationship, and when he realized you weren’t biting, he slid away, which is great.
Don’t question if you made the right decision, you did! I’m 120% certain because you told him exactly what you wanted and he didn’t want to give it to you (that’s what happened by the way). He kept his integrity and didn’t lie to you which is nice of him, but he also knew he couldn’t keep up with the scam and needed to leave. When men come on too strong it’s usually to get sex…ASAP. If you bite, then that’s your fault because technically they aren’t misleading you. If saying that you want a relationship pushes a guy away, that’s cool because that’s exactly what I want to happen at a certain point. He got to know you and passed because of whatever reason, but the point is, he opted out.
Taking your time to get to know someone is never a bad strategy.
Let me show you what the situation would look like if he wanted a relationship. He would have come on strong but it wouldn’t have been based on sex, simply wanting to get to know you more and be with you, and in this, he would have been consistent. You will spend most of your time with him and know him enough to want to explore a committed relationship and it will be mutual. At a certain point, you will have a discussion and embark on a relationship. You will recognize your boyfriend/man by his consistency.
What do you think?
It’s awesome that you are putting yourself first in your dating life and that you are having fun. I think you are on the right path and there will be times where you like someone more than they like you, but if you stay true and focused on yourself and this strategy, those guys will leave. They always do.