Black Love
2012
The Young Urban League of LA hosted a Black Love Forum and it was very interesting. The panel consisted of two married couples, a matchmaker, and a lady who wrote a book or something about being friends. She was the only one who I couldn’t figure out her connection.
I’ll summarize everything. Basically the matchmaker said that it was hard to date in LA because everyone wants a model when they aren’t that themselves. Of the two couples, one was married for years and the other was newly married. The newly married couple wanted everyone to know that chivalry isn’t dead and the older couple wanted to stress the importance of preparing for the worse. They said that they were rarely employed at the same time, so one person was always supporting the other person.
The audience consisted of 75% women, 40% of the women looked attractive, like they cared about themselves and the rest looked as if somebody scared them out the house and they ran straight to the event.
I wanted to address the matchmaker and her belief that dating in LA is hard. I introduced myself as a former model who learned how to date from the other models and I commented on the fact that we as black women need to step it up a notch in the looks department. Then somehow the women started to talk about degrees (almost as if degrees replace looks) and one lady said that if she lit all her degrees on fire in her bed it would only keep her warm long enough for the fire department to come and put it out.
Another young smart woman said that she didn’t want to date a brother without a degree because she felt like he wouldn’t be able to support her if she were pregnant or without work. She didn’t understand that a degree and ambition are two different things.
Poor thing.
There were some comments by the guys too. One guy who sat with his fiance, said that women need to give brothers a break. He said that brothers are hit on by women of all colors and that when they go after sisters the women can be too critical and it’s a quality that they don’t get with other women.
An old man there said that degrees from women were important but he also said that he chose his wife because she was the prettiest woman on campus.
The moderator asked about interracial love and the women there mostly dated black men. They collectively agreed that brothers look at them crazy when they are with none black men.
All in all, I think it was a great conversation to start. I still feel as if sisters need to stop thinking that there is some affirmative action for them with brothers. No one is dating anyone that they don’t think is the best. But what’s awesome is that if you are the best that you can be, you will attract everyone.
**Tails**
The first step to being competitive is a positive attitude and outlook. Smile! It will make you look happy and seem approachable.
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I really enjoy reading your post eventhough I’m new to your site. I’m taking your tips into consideration since I’m fairly new to the dating scene!!
This is a very interesting debate. In truth I have been torn about how I feel about black men needing degrees or not. I deeply respect the man who is not college educated because my father is cut from that same cloth and he is an incredibly intelligent, self educated, salt of the earth man who works harder than anyone I know. However, in my dating experience, when I give that “salt of the earth” man a chance I am often disappointed because they purposefully choose to limit themselves rather than seek greater for themselves. I don’t think this is the case with all men but I find it to be more mainstream. The college educated ones have a tendency to want and do better for themselves. And yes, women are hard on men and they do make, sometimes outrageous, demands on them. Living in NYC has only proved to me that this city is not the place to find everlasting love. it is the place to find your everlasting string of dates from men and women who desire more than they are capable of giving. In closing I, an educated black woman, I don’t see color when I look at a man; I look for a moral fiber and respect for women that can come in any color. I do think men in general, regardless of color, are hesitant to approach most black women because black women feel like they need to keep our boundaries up all the time which makes us unapproachable, hard, and jaded. As Serria says, “Smile!” Despite how much this city beats me up I smile because I have family and friends that love me and without them it could be a hell of a lot worse.
So True! It could ALWAYS be worse.
“They collectively agreed that brothers look at them crazy when they are with none black men.”
Luckily, if some of us are treated better by non-black men than we are by black men, we don’t care about that.
Honey, I agree. Personally,I don’t care what race he is or how many crazy looks I get. As long as he cares for me & is a gentleman, I’m fine.