Being Single is No Accident Part 2
2012
We have addressed positioning yourself to meet more people, and by default a high percentage should be men. We also talked about the inner you but now let’s talk about how to conduct yourself on a date.
Dates are meant to be fun. I can see from a mile away when someone thinks they are interviewing another person. Take that thinking out of your head. It’s a luxury that none of us can afford…I call it arrogance. It’s also a turn off, a huge turn off for men.
Men are not responsible for your ticking time clock, it’s your fault you waited until the last minute to get serious, not his. They are not responsible to entertain you, hell they aren’t even responsible to take care of your meal. It’s a nice gesture that women appreciate immensely when it happens but we don’t expect it.
Right?!
On a first date, try to relax. Make sure you put forth some effort to show your best characteristics and they should be physical. Men like physical stuff and you are not above being sexy. Show off your breast, your legs, your butt, your lips, eyes, smile….whatever makes you hot and sexy, flaunt it. Not to the point of vulgarity but at level 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. Start there and don’t skip it no matter how much you rely on your brain and conversation. Men have sex with your body not your brain. Focus on the physical first.
If you like to WOW guys with your mind, don’t get into a battle of wits. Show your intelligence through humor. Smart people are the funniest because they register situations faster, they have great comebacks for setups and humor is a great connector. Don’t be tempted to brag about your graduation status, or career. Those are great things but if a guy isn’t feeling you sexually that will just be the “but” of his conversation. Nothing more.
“She was boring on the date and not as hot as the girls I’m used to dating but she has a great career.”
Who cares? He won’t be asking you out again.
If you are truly smart, I mean really smart, you will be able to flirt with him in a way that doesn’t make you feel slutty but can be taken as simple conversation to the untrained eye. Judge the guy to see if he gets it. Some dumb dumb guys don’t get when women are flirting, I particularly dislike these guys the same way I dislike shy people. They are more work. Deal with him if you want., but up the anti a little.
Flirt! You must flirt on dates. It should cause the guy to become slightly aroused. Anything more than a slight arousal will decrease the probability of him putting you on a pedestal.
What do you think?
4 comments
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“Men are not responsible for your ticking time clock, it’s your fault you waited until the last minute to get serious, not his.”
You know what — no.
I was called “ugly” pretty much all through my twenties, and till I did some research and made my own improvements because nobody could be so bothered to tell me what I needed to do to improve — and believe me, I was open to advice — so no man was checking for me (though I was also told more than once I was “too smart”. Ugh).
And as a coach for black women, I can’t imagine you haven’t seen the vast array of insecurities black men can have, the games they try to play, the shenanigans they pull.
And since we’re practically browbeaten by dating coaches to “put yourself out there”, there are few of us that have been genuinely trying that haven’t pretty much seen them all.
There is no way that confluence of circumstances is “my fault”.
Looks has nothing to do with getting or keeping a man. No matter what, someone out there wants to be with you, exactly how you are. However, I desire to make women more marketable so sometimes that might mean growing out your hair, working out, being more social, flirting more…I can spot it fast.
If being single is not your fault, who’s fault is it? And what are you responsible for? I am completely and 100% responsible for everything in my life (the good and the bad) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The only reason I need you to acknowledge the bad is so that you can position yourself for the good. Honestly, I’m not into theories, just actions…so it doesn’t matter what you think or feel as long as you can keep moving and focusing on the future.
Just focus on the future.
Serria
I think it’s time for a lesson on flirting.
Oh, and baby talk. I can’t even imagine how I would pepper that into my daily routine.