Advice for The Nice Guy
I’m facing a strange issue on the relationship front currently. I’m a single guy who had my 35th birthday a couple of days ago. I feel awkward because I haven’t had my first kiss yet and it makes me feel bad that I don’t have a wonderful woman in my life currently. To be honest, I have never had a steady girlfriend. I was taunted about my looks as a child, kids felt I had a big nose, big ears, etc. Now with women I’m scared to approach them because I don’t want to look foolish. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of guy that all women liked, but it seemed that being a nice guy is unappealing. Plus, I’m the type of guy who doesn’t deal in playing games with women. I’ve always wanted to date a woman who accepted me as I am, not how she would want me to be. So, never having a girlfriend made me wonder if there is something wrong with me. That’s where the shyness comes into play.
I don’t know what to do. At this point, it scares me to think of life without the love of a wonderful woman. But, I’m ashamed because I’m not where I want to be financially or career-wise. I would gladly appreciate any advice you could give me. By the way, your website is great and your advice articles on HowAbout We.com are awesome!
Thanks for listening.
Please don’t be offended by my honesty but I’m not very good at speaking in gray terms that can be misunderstood.
It sounds like you might be dating, or trying to date too high out of your league. When you date women who are reasonably out of your league it’s fine, it gives you something to work towards but when they get too far out, it will cost you too much and it’s not worth it. Open your circle; don’t be so specific about the type of woman you want to date. You need to just start dating actively and a lot. Money is important and having financial security adds to your confidence. It is your responsibilities to actively take steps towards that financial independence that will make you feel better about yourself. Just because you aren’t there now doesn’t mean that no one would want to be with you just as you are however I know that you won’t feel right until you get right so keep moving Mr.
You are creating stories that will keep you single. Your story of women not liking nice guys is the same as women who say there are no good men out there. It’s none sense. We have to stop the stories in your head immediately. You, my fella are a nerd. I love nerds and most women do but they still need to have some flair, you know? Confidence is king.
What would be the foundation of your confidence? What do you feel good about? If you were someone else who knew you, what would you like about you. That’s usually a good place to start. Confidence doesn’t come from being the most handsome, richest, most accomplished, it can come from being nice, well liked, good at what you do and important to your friends and family. Do you work out? Start working out, push-ups and sit ups on the floor and jump rope or YouTube something. Working out increases confidence.
This week I want you to start up conversations with completely average women, borderline homely. I need you to do this because there will be nothing on it for you, you won’t feel nervous because you don’t want them and don’t care about looking foolish. Just speak about whatever is in your head or say “hello, how are you?” and smile. Do it for 7 days and at every opportunity. Speak to women of all races. The trick to starting a real conversation is to be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Open with what you two have in common, which is usually the shared location and ask questions, people always want to feel helpful. “Where is a good place to jog?” “What drink do you recommend?” “Where’s a good buffet for lunch?” Make something up and ask away. The more people you meet in person the better, so get going.
Whenever someone tells me they don’t play games they usually have a horrible dating existence and are single. Dating within itself is a game and you must enjoy it to excel; not a winner and loser game but there are rules and strategies and so many things that go into it. Embrace it.